500 DAYS OF SUMMER - A STUDY ON MODERN INFATUATION & IDEAS OF LOVE
Like many people, I watched the film 500 Days of Summer as a teenager and left the film feeling a bit disappointed. A rom-com where the main couple doesn’t end up together? With seemingly no major issues that caused them to break up? How could Summer just end it when Tom was such a nice guy? Well, a recent rewatch of the film after eye-opening experiences and years of maturity later left me feeling entirely differently...
The narration at the beginning of the movie states that the film is a story “of boy meets girl” - not stating that it is a love story, despite the film being labeled as a rom-com, which is accurate as there's some romance and comedy but no real love present in the film. It simply is a story of "boy meets girl"; as indicated and set up by the opening line, what sets 500 Days of Summer apart from most other romcoms, in addition to its unconventional ending and non-linear narrative, is that it’s mainly told from the perspective of the male love interest rather than the female/woman’s point of view.
As the roles are reserved and told through Tom’s perspective and experiences, we’re almost formatted to root for him and sympathize with him before anyone else, so I can’t blame and criticize viewers who walk away feeling so at first... They simply need a wake-up call as Tom does, either in the form of a rewatch or articles and discussions such as this. Yes, the film is framed through Tom, but his version of events is extremely biased and the non-linear narrative almost proves how weak or unreliable his perspective is - we’re mostly looking through his memories as he deals with the breakup, rather than the objective perspective or any of the events told from Summer’s point of view.
Despite romantic elements between the two characters, there was never any real love between them, which is why the film is never dubbed a "love story". Even though we get Tom’s perspective on the relationship and love within the film, it’s a messed up, twisted form of infatuation rather than love. Tom was in love with the idea of Summer and the idea of love, rather than Summer herself.
“Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soulmate."
Tom developed a crush on Summer after she began working at his office, and as his encounters with Summer grew, so did his own warped idea of who she was, intertwining it with who he personally wanted her to be. The way Tom viewed Summer, and thus treated her, is not fair for this reason - as a result, he never saw her as a separate, independent person and even worse, felt entitled to her and his idea of her. (Especially since he was “so kind” to her on the surface and according to his terms.)
Yet, when the actual Summer never fit the idea Tom created of her in his head, he lashed out and would display signs of disappointment and aggression, immediately turning against her - just as he did when his colleague got a bad impression of her on a sudden meeting, and as depicted very clearly in the famous “expectations vs reality” scene later on. He was never in it to discover who she actually is, and whenever he thought of her or any development in their relationship occurred, he never really thought OF her, but rather HIMSELF in relation to her. That is not love, nor is it fair to anyone. As Summer began opening up and spending more time with Tom, he praised himself for her opening up to him before thinking of what she must’ve gone through or displaying any empathy or even sympathy for her - her struggles became his accomplishments. What a nice guy.
The fact that we don’t see enough of Summer’s POV is the reason why many people rush to turn on her and blame her either entirely or partially for the ‘failure’ or end of their relationship, saying she gave mixed signals by stating she doesn’t want a relationship while keeping the situation with Tom ongoing. While I agree that Summer could have better defined the way she viewed the situation/relationship between her and Tom in her own words and what it meant to her, it seems as though Summer was never sure how to do so and wasn’t even sure of her own feelings, which I honestly see as fair, especially considering the way Tom behaved as well. It’s in stark contrast to how she feels about her eventual husband at the end of the film, saying she “just knew” what she was never sure of with Tom - being her own feelings and Tom himself.
Rushing to blame Summer can also be linked back to the internalized misogyny many people might not even realize they have - society has geared us the way the film does for years; it’s more common to accuse women of wrongdoing than men, and should men be accused of wrongdoing they’re much more easily forgiven and accepted. It’s why the takeaway from Tom-supporters that aggravates me the most is that he’s worthy of sympathy and is still the “good guy” simply because “He doesn’t know any better” - which is still not right.
Though we never get a thorough look at Tom’s childhood, dissecting the film and characters allows us to understand that Tom’s view on love likely stems from his own insecurities. The film even states that Tom obtained his idea of love and romance from a misreading of the film The Graduate, a film that later awakened Summer to the absence of love in her life, a similar experience to the characters of that film too. Except.... that is not an excuse for his behavior. Tom is an adult with a responsibility to grow and mature, it’s not Summer’s responsibility to help him do so, especially with his treatment, mentality, and stubbornness.
The traits and “red flags” that Tom displayed that warranted Summer to break up with him are usually the cause of prolonged unhappiness in couples when one party stays despite their hesitancy and out of pity because “he can be nice at times and is a bit better than other guys”. Genuine niceness in a person is the bare minimum, especially when it comes from a romantic partner, and Tom’s many qualities indicate some degree of niceness, but also doubt in his sincerity. Summer was never that happy with Tom or sure of his sincerity, plain and simple - and that is definitely reason enough to end it.
Seeing Tom take action in his professional life towards the end of the film might give the impression that he’s changed by then, with even the actor playing him, Joseph Gordon Levitt, expressing that he grows by the end. While the step Tom takes in his career is a sign of SOME growth, I personally don’t think he’s a changed man by the end of the film. Upon reuniting with Summer after her marriage, he’s still confused and almost has no idea why their relationship ended - showing little to no signs of reflection or growth in regards to his own personal development during their time apart - not even a shred of sympathy or compassion for Summer herself. While he cared a bit for her, he immediately shunned her to the same place she occupied when he called her an exploitative at the beginning of the film, seeing himself as "the victim" - or in an Arabic word he sees himself as "miskeen". I would even interpret his look to the camera at the very end as happiness another woman showed interest in him - it doesn’t mean he’ll treat her any differently… but I guess the reason the film ends then and there is because it leaves us to guess for ourselves whether or not he’ll repeat the same mistakes.
Unfortunately, Tom reflects a majority of how people, regardless of gender, experience relationships and infatuation, even more so now than when the film was released with the boom of social media (which contributes to the “ideas” people create of each other in their heads, which might be a fantasy and not at all a reality). Maybe it’s a bit cynical and pessimistic of me to believe this is the closest most of us might get to a “movie romance” in real life, but it’s what I currently believe. The Toms of this world are a dime a dozen regardless of gender, whereas the Mr. Darcy’s mainly occupy the pages and episodes of fictional works.
I can’t give the film too much credit for its commentary on love and infatuation, as hints from the screenwriters (such as the opening title credits insulting an ex) indicate they might be more of a “Tom” themselves rather than intending it to be an advanced dissection of both romcom tropes and modern relationships. Yet reading a bit too much into it proved to be an insightful learning experience for me and many others whose views on the film and relationships shifted over the years. And whether intended as such or not, 500 Days of Summer acts as an honest open letter and call signal to people in modern relationships, whether you relate more to Tom’s position or Summer’s. It shows us our perspective and the opposite perspective, and warns us against falling in love with the idea of someone and projecting that image, and the dangers of staying in situations that don’t make us happy - no matter what, we all have a lot to learn from this film and it is undoubtedly a must watch for young adults trying to reflect and map out their heart…